I reflect, A LOT. I find it difficult to be analytical when I’m in a situation, especially of my own behaviour. So I often will think about interactions after they’ve happened, some more than others naturally. Interactions where I don’t understand the other persons behaviour especially so. The other day during a reflection of probably more a collection of events than just one situation. Something I’ve reflected on so many times, something my head just goes to… to stop myself from something usually. I realised that I wasn’t entirely the victim that I had previously held in my head. It was the first time that I could see that my behaviour was selfish. It was a difficult realisation for me because I hadn’t previously realised I was wanting something of someone that I could not reciprocate, but I got upset when they didn’t want that. Further reflecting on that, that behaviour could have had negative impacts on another person, which is something that goes against the type of person I strive to be. It’s definitely difficult to be genuinely critical of oneself but it has made me more aware of their behaviour too, which is definitely a positive for me as I understand it more now. Probably not fully, or even close to what actually went through their head, but more than before. I also feel as though I’ve grown as a person, to be able to see my behaviour differently. Understanding that I was behaving selfishly has also helped me realise that in this situation what I want is probably not best for another person – my self-control regarding this behaviour is another issue entirely.
It has also re-sparked a thirst in me to understand how other people see and their memories of events I have in my head. And by now I assume you know my answer to the common question, if you could have one super power what would it be? To read minds. Just for a short period of time. I’m not strong enough of person to know exactly what people think of me, I’ll grow, slowly and gently though.