Extroverted Introvert

Shocker I’m an Introvert. A extroverted introvert to the point people are surprised when I describe myself as an introvert, but people honestly drain me. And that’s how you know. Extroverts recharge in social interactions. I recharge, in the bath or on a mountain or in a bath on a mountain, but most importantly by myself. I’m also an anxious introvert, introverts do not get anxious about social interactions they just find them tiring. If you avoid social interactions, you’re more likely to have social anxiety.  During a social interaction I often feel nervous, self-conscious, and spend a lot of time analysing the person or people I’m interacting with and their non-verbal communication cues. However, I still do my absolute best to participate in social situations and events. It’s so important to have meaningful relationships in your life.

Friday I went to lunch with a colleague I used to work with, my mood was instantly improved. Friday night I went out with girls from my last job. Those interactions just reminded me how important workplace friendships are. I have been so lucky to work in some amazing organisations where I have had teams I genuinely enjoyed working with and it’s become very apparent to me lately what an impact that environment has on me. I need there to be social interactions with people I value in my day. Regardless of the fact it’s draining and anxiety provoking I still crave social acceptance, we’re social beings after all. Although I’ve got a new roomie at work, the key is being with people I enjoy the company of. Despite all of my understanding in how judgmental our brains are, I still gauge fairly quickly whether I’m going to like a person. Not that I don’t completely accept that I may be wrong, but that feeling when you meet someone and you immediately know – I like you and you’re able to engage in conversation as though you’d known each other some other time. Honestly though some people are just easier to have conversations with. For me these types of people, people I naturally feel comfortable with are so hard to find and this is my issue. The other issue being I don’t really go out of my way to talk to people I don’t interact with naturally during a work day. Now I understand that I have poor self-esteem, thank you anxiety and this is something that’s extremely difficult for me to do, because my brain goes… What value could having a conversation with you add. But I’ve been told it makes me come across as quite snobbish. So I really rely on company events where you have a situation to talk to people who you wouldn’t ordinarily. It’s easier to make myself do something when it’s being forced upon me. Where I am currently that just doesn’t happen. So I’m forcing it upon myself. Wish me luck… I’m already sweating at the thought.

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